THROUPLES. It’s A Thing.

I have absolutely NO idea how any self-respecting woman would be OK with this. No. Not in a million years.

Meet Adam Lyons. He’s a 36-year-old man who wants you to know that he’s the “luckiest man alive,” because he’s expecting a baby with his girlfriend, Jane Shalakhova. His other girlfriend, Brooke Shedd, is super excited too!

Yep. They’re a “throuple,” which is basically the new, trendy name for a polygamous relationship.

You see, Adam already has kids with Brooke, but they’re one, big happy family. They even share a super-kingsize bed. Yes. The three of them.

throuple1

“It’s so sweet that we all get to parent and raise the kids together,” Adam said, according to the Daily Mail. “We have talked about it at length and we all consider ourselves parents to the children.”

So, two moms and one dad, all in one big, weird relationship. Why are they doing this, you ask? They say, “For us, three definitely works better than two.”

“For us, three people works because it enables us to manage daily life so much better,” Adam explained.

Gee, how do single parents ever do it? It takes three people in a relationship to “manage daily life”? If you really can’t handle it alone, have you every heard of a freaking nanny (that you DON’T sleep with)?

I know it’s none of my business what people do in their bedrooms, but this kind of upbringing cannot be OK for the children. Do you know how much it’s going to screw them up? It’s all part of the slow cultural decay we always talk about. I knew it was only a matter of time before people started questioning the point of monogamy altogether. In a world of fluid genders, how can people be expected to only commit to ONE person? Throupling offers so much more flexibility. (I hope you know I’m being totally sarcastic here).

“So many of our friends are in ‘normal’ two-person couple relationships with kids, jobs and all the other typical responsibilities and I see them struggling to juggle their lives. It’s difficult with two people,” Adam said.

Don’t you love how he refers to a traditional, two-person relationship as “normal.” As if it’s subjective.

“But with three parents, we always have the ability for one person to look after the kids,” he explained. “As a result, we never begrudge each other anything because we all have lots of time.”

“With three people, it’s logistically so much easier to handle all those things – we share out the responsibilities and it fits our sexual preferences too,” he added.

Both of his girlfriends are bisexual. FYI.

Adam said some people have been critical of their relationship, but they don’t care, because it works for them.

“But we’ve been going for five years now. What we have is not a fling or a phase, we’re a real family with healthy, happy kids,” Adam said. “Our son Oliver doesn’t even recognize what is ‘unusual’ about our family.”

Yet. That should be an interesting conversation down the road.

While it sounds like they all genuinely like each other, they keep mentioning how harrrrrrddddd it is for just two people to run a family. I don’t know if that’s their way of justifying their bizarre relationship, or if they’re really incapable of raising a family without two other significant others.

“Growing up, I always thought that when you had a baby, you became a slave to your child. You see a lot of parents struggling,” Jane explained.

Um, babies need to be tended to. Why would you NOT want to spend time with your baby? Dumbest statement ever, Jane.

“But raising Dante with Adam and Brooke and watching him grow up with three parents around – I realize we could do it as a family. With three parents around, it’s so doable,” Jane said, according to the Daily Mail. “With three parents, we can still have a social life, make time for one another and share the parenting tasks so you don’t end up like the typical sleep-deprived mum! With two partners, there’s so much help and I’ll never have to leave my kids with someone I don’t trust.”

Why do they keep talking about leaving their kids? Is that really their first priority? Is that underlying basis for their relationship? Is it rooted in their desire to comfortably have a social life?

“I’m so excited for Jane’s pregnancy – I love talking to her bump. I’ve always wanted four sons so this is a dream come true,” Brooke said, according to the Daily Mail. “I think our good parenting is one of the sexiest things about our relationship. It’s incredible to see them Adam and Jane with the kids and how we share all the responsibilities.”

Also, she’s convinced they’re setting a “good example.”

“We definitely want a few more kids and I would love to have a wedding to show my commitment to Adam and Jane,” Brooke said. “Oliver says he would like to get married someday too and he knows three people can be really happy together in a relationship. We’re setting a good example.”

So yeah. They totally want to get “married” and have more children.

“We haven’t got any solid plans for a wedding just yet but it’s on the cards. Prior to that, I’m bringing Brooke, Jane and the kids to England before she gives birth,” Adam said. (They currently live in Austin, Texas). “I want to celebrate our pregnancy with my loved ones in Britain.”

Speaking of that “good example” Brook mentioned above, their relationship is not exclusive. They sleep with other people.

Occasionally, Adam, Brooke and Jane like to involve a fourth partner in their sex life but admit that they’re exhausted with two kids and another baby on the way.

 

Adam says: ‘We are still open in our relationship and we do sleep with other people outside the thee of us but to be honest, we don’t have much time anymore! We’re exhausted and happy with the children.

Wait. They don’t have much time any more? I thought that was the point of this entire relationship– to save extra time. I’m confused.

‘We’re still open to fun when it comes along. If we wanted to add someone, I’m sure we could.’

 

Jane adds: ‘But absolutely we still make time to go to strip clubs together! We just hang out and have fun there.

They seriously sound like overgrown teenagers.

‘With three people around, it’s easy to schedule in fun activities. We always make sure we have time to do fun things together and have weekly date nights.

 

‘Adam, Brooke and I still sleep in the same super king-size bed together – it still gets very hot and sweaty with the three of us!’

Clearly, they’re in the habit of crafting lame excuses to justify their weird relationship. And those poor kids are along for the ride.

h/t Daily Mail

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